We are on holiday. The beach is perfect; white sand, crystal clear water and warm balmy sunshine. Between Boy 1 deciding he can’t bear the feel of sand between in his toes and Boy 2 having an almighty tantrum about not getting a third ice cream, a truce has been called and the two children are actually having fun. As a modern mother, there is only one thing that crosses my mind… Social Media Opportunity! I snatch up my phone, plonk myself awkwardly next to them and shout ‘selfie!’ A few clicks and swipes, our happy holiday photo is immortalized on social media forever #holiday #fun #magic. Could it be that our social media obsession is getting out of control…?
1. You have social media goggles
Every fun day out, every meal in a restaurant, every trip to the supermarket, in the back our minds we are considering one thing… Which 144 characters would best sum it up and at what angle would make the best picture? You feel stressed about the #filter situation – you’ll work it out later.
Ultimately, your whole mood is pinned on how many likes you get.
2. You no longer cook, clean or do anything remotely productive
It’s the master of procrastination! With your smart phone always at your fingertips, you’ll never have enough hands to juggle the hoover and polish too!
Of course, when you do get round to cooking it gets cold in the time it takes to photograph, edit and slap it up on Instagram #instafood #ilovefood #foodie #food #recipe………… Our work is never done.
Everything from the contents of their first nappy to a photo of their first baby weaning session is documented on all your social media platforms. It starts at the ultrasound photo and doesn’t end until the little darling is (over)sharing their own photos. All you need is the self-belief that absolutely everything your offspring does is utterly fascinating. Of course it is!
4. You stalk people – those you know and those you don’t
You have literally met someone once before they are promoted to ‘Facebook Friend’ status. At this point you have access to at least 5 years’ worth of photo albums and their personal observations and, let’s be honest, it is too tempting to resist! A quick glance at the wedding photo, a silent peep around their partner’s page and a gander at the number of ‘friends’ they have and you feel you know this person pretty well. You learn to be extra careful as an accidental ‘like’ on the wrong photo could completely expose your well-hidden snooping.
5. Shhh, not now, darling…
Another magazine articles claims that we spend too much time looking at our social media accounts and not enough time playing with our children. We are raising a generation of children who feel ignored and neglected. I inwardly tut, posting the article up on Facebook and tweeting my friends whilst simultaneously shooing my children away so I can read the comments. It’s so outrageous!
I admit it, I love it. I read, debate and theorize on all manner of subjects. Is it really so bad if I spend some time checking my social media accounts? If it wasn’t social media, I would just find another way to ignore my children and take a break from the humdrum of the day. All hail social media and all that you do for us. Without you, it could be a very lonely world.