Laundry is an art that I don’t think I will ever master.

I applaud those of you that have a “laundry day”. In our house, pretty much every day is laundry day. Sure, I try to do a large majority of wash once every week or so, but someone always needs me to wash something in between. A baseball uniform (because there are two games this week). A mattress pad (because someone had an accident). A car seat cover (because someone spilled something gnarly on it). A specific shirt, sweater, pair of pants, shorts, underwear…you get my point!

My loving and well-intentioned husband is so good at so many things, but laundry isn’t one of them. Early in our relationship (way before kids) he would do laundry. Inevitably, something(s) would shrink or end up a completely different color post-laundering. He meant well, but eventually enough was enough. I begged him to never do laundry again.

Even now, when he sees that I have a million things besides the laundry piling up, he will offer to help out with a load. Just the other day he offered to fold what was currently in the dryer and then transfer the second load from the washer to the dryer. Harmless, right? I gave him quick instructions and ran off to my appointment. Later that evening, he and I went downstairs to fold the second load. Lo and behold, one of his shirts that is not supposed to go into the dryer ended up in the dryer because I forgot to remind him to not put it in there. Oops!

So you see, I am a one woman laundering service around here. Yes, my husband helps fold every now and then. My children also love to help. My three-year-old loves to put things in the “wetter” (after all, why on earth would it be called a washer/washing machine if it’s counterpart is a dryer?!). And both of our boys love to “help” by folding washcloths and other small items. Of course they try their very best and are quite pleased with their accomplishments, but it takes every ounce of my OCD-self to not refold it perfectly when they’re not looking.

I’ll admit, I can be a bit neurotic, but even I skimp when it come to washing instructions. Seriously, does anyone use all of these different cycles and settings?! Hand washing, forget it! Isn’t that what they make those little mesh bags for?! Is it not enough that I partake in a very elaborate sorting process? I know plenty of people who wash darks, lights, and colors…that’s it. Me? I sort in at least seven categories, black, grey (sometimes beige, sometimes they are two separate piles), white, red/pink/purple (sometimes orange,usually if purple is not involved), green/blue, yellow (sometimes orange) and delicates…which usually sit in the laundry room for a couple of months until I throw them all in together, despite their color, on the delicate cycle (this usually occurs the night, or even hours before I need to wear one of the said items).

Stains?! Don’t get me started. Yes, I have a plethora of stain sticks, sprays, etc. However, I’m kind of “crunchy” so I refuse to use harsh chemicals. That being said, stains usually don’t come out the first time (no wait, I usually don’t see them the first time so they usually get washed and dried before I even attempt to tackle them)…or the second time (because they were already set by the dryer…or the third time! Every now and then they will come out with the “Ultimate Stain Remover Recipe” that I find on Pinterest, scramble around the house for all of the ingredients and then scrub on endlessly with an old toothbrush. When all else fails I give the article of clothing to my Mom, who is really good at laundry (and has no qualms about using harsh chemicals…if I don’t see it, it doesn’t really exist, right?!).

Last, but definitely least, ironing?! Absolutely not. I know, I know my Mother finds time for it. My Grandmother-in-Law even used to iron her husband’s boxer shorts?! Nope, not me. In our house, the “wrinkle-release” setting is my best friend and ironing is reserved for weddings and funerals.

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*** do not touch!!

At least my family has clean clothes…usually!

 

 


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