10 Memes that perfectly summarize my FTM status… - Kid 101

10 Memes that perfectly summarize my FTM status…

In 2018 we’re blessed with new genera of “literature” known as the meme. These humorously captioned photos somehow manage to accurately identify the quirkiest of human behaviors with a photo and a few words. Many a “That’s so me!” or “So true!” have been uttered while scrolling through social media and seeing one perfectly describing that fear you experience while running upstairs from the basement after you’ve turned off the lights or the despair you feel on payday and have $1.56 left after you’ve paid your bills…What part of life has more eye-rolling, hilarious, frustrating and “WTF” moments than parenting? Here are ten memes that basically summarize my life right now…

  1. Me when I think about all the times before I had kids that I thought I was tired. Ha! I never knew how little sleep the human body needs to function until I had my baby. In case you’re wondering, it’s 20 minutes.
  1. I mostly have two settings these days. One is like I was drunk and tried to dress myself in the dark in which I emerge triumphant from my bedroom wearing a combination of whatever smelled clean and whatever still fits. The other I like to call “I Tried.” This is a perfect example of the latter.
  1. Please see #1 and #2. I’m tired and I literally wouldn’t be able to find a decent outfit if someone paid me. So, no, I won’t be seen out at your local watering holes on Friday night. I can be seen on the couch sleeping in front of the “Are you still watching?” screen on Netflix promptly by 8:40 pm. Thanks for checking on me, Netflix!
  1. Okay so maybe the “other mom” in this instance was my husband at Wal-Mart yesterday…and I may have left him in the deli section with a screaming infant and pretended like I didn’t know him…Not my proudest moment. But I do have a new found empathy for parents with screaming kids.
  1. My outfits are carefully curated based on two main criteria: how easily can I feed my baby in this or does this cover my hideous nursing bra?
  1. Just this morning I was rudely awoken by a tiny foot kicking me square in the boob. I suppose it’s better than an alarm clock…I think?
  1. Do you want to play a game? Like attempting to diffuse a bomb it takes finesse, courage and stealth to lay a sleeping baby down. If you’re not positioned just right those 45 minutes you just spent getting baby to sleep magically turns into an hour and a half.
  1. They say most marital arguments are two things: money and kids. Not in our house. Most arguments occur because one of us, and I won’t name names, is awful at being exhausted and will pick a fight over things as important as dirty dishes not put in the dishwasher or who finished off the ice cream. Okay, it’s me. I also finished the ice cream. In our house, most of our arguments are solved by me saying this exact thing. Sorry, honey!
  1. Because as a parent it’s important to focus on the little accomplishments each day and if that means celebrating making time to floss or (not “and”) shave my legs, then so be it! Go me!
  1. Does anyone really have a clue? Sorry to my first born, but you’re as experimental as me mixing whiskey and tequila in college. Let’s just see how this one goes and if it’s any fun we’ll do it again!

There you have it, folks! This is my life in all its exhausted, clueless, unfashionable, uncool, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, first-time-parenting glory. I couldn’t have summarized it better than these memes! Now I just need to find one that says, “I love this crazy adventure called Motherhood!”

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