If Mama Aint Happy - Kid 101

If Mama Aint Happy


There’s an old adage; “If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy”.

I would love to know if this was ever true, because it is certainly not the case in our house. My kids couldn’t care less if I were dragged off to a loony bin. In fact, sometimes I think that driving me literally insane is their main goal in life.

Take today for example, my children were making me batshit crazy!

My older son was having his typical Oscar-worthy reaction to everything that my younger son did to piss him off. Which of course caused my little one to continually piss off his big brother.

I took my older son aside several times and explained that he is six and his brother is three and that he has more control over his emotions. I also encouraged him to come to me if there was a problem and to stop giving his brother the satisfaction of a reaction.

My little one just had an all-around asshole day. I swear he has a built-in PMS detector that tells him that my hormones are all over the place. “Oh look, Mom’s cranky…let’s see how many buttons I can push today”.

And so, he continued to piss off his brother, refused to listen to ANYTHING that I said, and had an absolute meltdown every — single — time I said “no” to something.

I tried to remove myself from the situation. “Time to fold some laundry!”, I said in a sing-songy voice.

My peace lasted about 2.5 seconds before they got bored and came into the laundry room.

Please keep in mind that our laundry room is in our very vast basement. Yes, it is currently full of boxes (Yes, we have been in our house for seven months and we should be fully unpacked, but we’re not). Anyhow, wouldn’t you think that a basement full of rows of boxes would be the perfect place to play hide-and-seek?!

Yeah, me too.

Nope…not my kids. My kids decide to hide and seek right next to me. In the exact same space that I was occupying. Attempting to fold their HOT laundry on an eighty-eight degree day so that it wouldn’t get wrinkled even though I know that tomorrow, if not later today, one or both of them will dig through their basket and manage to unfold ALL of their laundry in one fell swoop!

***

I tried to keep my cool, but right around lunchtime, as I was cleaning up the kitchen (AGAIN!) and they were supposed to be actually eating their lunch, they both come storming in. My younger son was chasing my older son with something disgusting on his hands. As quick as they came in, they ran back out…through the dining room, through the the living room, then up the stairs…

I lost my effing mind!

I caught my little one on the stairs and placed him on the closed toilet and said, “DO NOT MOVE!”.

Then I proceeded to go into their room (where my older one had sought refuge) and told him once again, in a sort of a seething whisper, that if he reacts his brother will continue to do these things.

I told both of them to remain where they were until I said it was OK to move. This didn’t last long, because like I said my little one never listens. And I’m pretty sure tying them down or caging them up is illegal in all fifty states.

ARGH!!@#)*^(#&%^&#$^(#^%)%^#*)@&()(!@$!*^#$*!&#$)*@^#)*!&^#*)%^!)*$^!@$)*!^@$)(*^$

At least they realized that I was angry. And so, they did their very best to occupy themselves… for at least fifteen minutes.

Ah, maybe they do care after all?!…

 


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