As a new mommy there are lots of things that cross my weary, bleary and worn out mind every day, but some more than others. Between the “oohs” and “aahs” and “awws!” there is a lot of “I NEED COFFEE!” and “do these sweats smell dirty to you?” Here are ten things I think every day. Bonus points if I get all of them in before noon!
- I’m so tired!
Seriously. Exhaustion has settled in my bones and taken over my mind and body. I am always conscious of the clock ticking ever closer to bedtime. Each day starts with a mad dash for coffee as dark as the circles under my eyes and ends with me thinking, “please go the f*ck to sleep you adorable little angel because if you don’t mommy is going to cry.”
I always thought my mom friends were just being dramatic when they would say how hard it is to eat healthy with a new baby in the house. After all, it doesn’t take much to chop up a salad or whip up a healthy dinner, right? Wrong. So wrong. Mostly my diet consists of simple carbs, caffeine and anything handheld. My sister, a mother of two under two, once told me that for dinner she chugged a LaCroix and ate a bunch of mini Twix bars while hiding in the kitchen. I laughed at her, but now I fail to see anything wrong with that…
Because nothing will make you think “FML!” like trying to balance a fussy, flailing baby and a full beverage. One of them is landing on the floor…Don’t panic. It’s never the baby.
Much like FML, nothing will make you whisper “WTF” like a 13 minute nap or changing your baby’s outfit for the third time while not even having dressed yourself once.
- Google it?
The internet is a blessing and a curse for new moms. Is this a normal color for poop? How can I get her to sleep through the night? The internet says our baby is a genius for rolling over so early! I should take a look through my search history for laughs one day.
- Wardrobe Woes.
Didn’t you hear? Sweatpants and nursing bras are all the rage this summer! Every day it’s a new and exciting tone of beige or gray to choose from. After all, baby vomit doesn’t show quite as bad when it’s rubbed into a perfectly faded t-shirt!
- Hermit the Frog.
If I were a Sesame Street character I’d be Hermit the Frog because I have left the house literally five times since bringing baby home…and that’s counting solo missions to the gas station or grocery store.
- Bored and Busy.
I find it funny that never have I been so busy and bored at the same time in my life. I suppose it’s because I’m always trying to fit a day’s worth of to-do’s into a single nap time before I go back to Disney tunes and diaper changes. Every day is the same, yet different. Every day goes by so fast, yet so slow. Every day is monotonous, yet full of surprises. Life with a new baby throws you a million curveballs and bores you to pieces at the same time. How is that even possible?
- OMG is that me?!
My husband and I are in the process of buying a home and I tried not to, but I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in a well-lit model home bathroom mirror and thought, “Goodness sakes! Is that me?” I thought wearing a hat would hide my lack of foundation and concealer. Needless to say, I gave that home a big thumbs down.
- I love you, little one.
Despite my ever shrinking wardrobe, a daily diet that is missing more than a few food groups and exhaustion so extreme I’m surprised I haven’t washed more diapers (because I keep finding them in the hamper) I love that baby more than I ever thought I was capable of and then some. It’s funny how someone sucks the life out of you and makes life so full at the same time…And they’re just so darn cute too!