Sorry, I’m busy Momming. 5 things I totally ignored postpartum.

Like a lot of First Time Moms, I completely underestimated how much an 8lb blob of adorable would totally upend my life. What could be so hard about caring for a newborn? Giving birth would be the hard part, after that it’s basically just feeding, changing, sleeping, and loving, right? Wrong! The hard part comes after you leave the hospital. Those little 8lb butterballs require literally every bit of mental and physical energy you have and a lot things fall to the wayside in all the haze and confusion of the 4th trimester…Here are the big things I completely ignored after coming home from the hospital:

  1. Friends. The day I gave birth I sent a text out to my friends to let them know I had the baby, we were all doing great and I’d catch up with them later. I figured I’d have lengthy conversations with each of them individually to discuss in detail the delivery and to gush about my new baby girl. Yeah, right. Eight weeks later I actually picked up the phone and called a longtime friend of mine. I didn’t even want to talk about the baby or the delivery or myself. I was starved for news of the outside world. Are the Kardashians still famous? Did they make Fast and Furious 45 yet? Are flying cars a thing? I was basically doing my Robin Williams in Jumanji impression shouting, “What year is it!?” into the phone…
  2. Social Media. This was actually a welcome hiatus. Reading mile-long Facebook arguments amongst my friends regarding the election and being subjected to everyone’s political soap box soliloquies were things I did not miss. As I reentered the social media world after my time in hibernation, it was refreshing to know some things really don’t change. Everyone is still mad about our current political situation (no matter what side of the aisle you’re on) and letting their friends and family know it by sharing credibly questionable news stories and memes (because those really cause everyone to question their political beliefs??). Those same four drama queens are still posting purposely vague status updates and NOT wanting you to ask what’s wrong. People are still doing the, “I’m cleaning out my friends list you better hope you’re still on it later” thing…And nobody uses Google+.
  3. Okay this probably wasn’t the best thing to ignore, but who has time for math when you’re mental state is basically the equivalent of that “Hang in there” cat poster. Nothing got paid on time. End of story.
  4. I have a cat and a dog…Or at least I think they’re still around here somewhere. Cue the Sarah McLachlan. Before baby my pets were living the high life. The dog got walked every day; the cat was always welcome on my lap. After baby I had a hard time remembering if I fed them. Okay, it wasn’t that bad and, actually, quite the opposite because my husband and I would assume the other had not fed them and would dump food into their bowls whenever it crossed our mind to do so. I’m pretty sure both the cat and the dog are still harboring resentment (and some extra weight) toward me.
  5. Again with the Robin Williams in Jumanji analogy, but I looked like I’d also been stuck inside of a board game jungle only to emerge forty years later and I still do most days. Sure, I showered and brushed my teeth and had clean underwear on, but that’s about it. My hair dryer continues to gather dust and I’m saving tons of money on razors.

Having a baby really puts your priorities in perspective. If we’re all clean, fed and content that’s what matters for a while. A lot of things just get ignored and, unfortunately, some of those things are living. Writing this makes me feel like I should apologize to my friends, bill collectors, pets and my husband for being MIA these last couple of months. Okay, maybe not the bill collectors. Sorry everyone, but I’m busy momming. I hope you all understand. I’ll be back to normal in exactly 18 years…I think?

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