Cold cups of coffee, odd socks and becoming a short-order chef in your own kitchen. These are some of the things you will have to contend with during motherhood. Along with model maker extraordinaire, fancy hair braider, taxi driver, soccer coach, violin coach (sorry neighbors, it seemed like a really good idea at the time), and homework helper. Oh, and laundry, lots and lots of laundry.
Another job that comes with the territory is being a walking, talking encyclopedia. Even when your kids are old enough to google stuff on the internet for themselves, they still assume that mom knows everything there is to know about every topic known to man. Until, one day, quite out of the blue, they appear to be considerably more knowledgeable than you!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, gone are the times where your beloved child looks up longingly at you for the answer to an inane question that you will either not know the answer to, or have no desire to know the answer to. Unexpectedly, somewhere around the age of 11 or 12, your child becomes THE EXPERT on EVERYTHING, and everything you say is “SO WRONG” and “you know nothing!”, usually this is because someone else says the opposite.
This change of circumstances will take you by surprise, and for a short period of time be mildly amusing. Your tween child has suddenly taken an interest in the world and now has their own opinions on things in it, or rather has adopted the opinions of their friends or worse still, their friends’ parents.
Very quickly, this turn of events will become somewhat tiresome and you will soon come to hate Jake and his know-it-all dad with a passion, and as for Ella… that jumped up opinionated little so and so.
Being constantly undermined by an 11-year-old mobile Wikipedia page is wearing on one’s patience. Particularly when you know they are wrong and you are right. Sometimes the only thing to do is to stand back, letting them stand by their convictions and reaping the inevitable consequences. “Homework wrong – oh dear, well I did try to warn you”, “coach is mad at you because you missed soccer practice, hmm so it wasn’t at 6pm then as you were so adamant about?”.
Worse still is when their new-found source of information comes via some dude on YouTube. Because obviously having one million fellow Minecraft fanatics following you instantly turns you into an all-seeing, all-knowing guru on ALL THE THINGS!
I consider myself a woman of the world so naturally I am past putting my blind faith into a spotty adolescent sat in his dark bedroom for 12 hours at a time. He (or she) can undoubtedly do great things in the Nether Portal, but is unlikely to be even half as knowledgeable on some of the random facts they have a tendency to spew out to their adoring fans. Try telling that to my son though!
Clearly, the glowing backlight of a games console does amazing things to your brain, turning you from a high school drop out to a most wonderous being whose intelligence is equaled by no other, except maybe another YouTuber who has a higher following. The ability to build great things from animated Lego bricks and be able to fight off a spider with glowing eyes negates all life experience and learned knowledge any mere mortal of a parent may have.
I am reliably informed by parents who have already been through this phenomenon, that it passes. I only have to put up with this developmental milestone of annoyance for approximately eight or nine years more and then they will be back (with a vengeance) to looking to me for all the answers in the universe. In the meantime, I can at least look forward to my child’s information sources changing as their tastes change.
I can hardly contain my excitement waiting for them to mimic and recite the political views of their favorite pop stars, or have all the answers to curing cancer and world starvation according to a young film starlet. And of course, I await with baited breath for Jake’s, his dad’s and Ella’s opinions on how we can achieve world peace as they are clearly more informed on such matters than any current heads of state and leading politicians.